Road to Mary Sue
by Victoria618
Summary: Mari Su Kobayashi is just another unfortunate OC, with all the clicheness in her life, can she find a way to correct at least some of it? Basically this story is crack my procrastination mixed with a sugar high.


**Hi y'all (whoa…just sounded southern there)! **

**I should be studying for chemistry but due to all the gummies and cookies I ate, I am on this current sugar high and cannot concentrate. During this moment, I thought of some more crack-tastic stories and well shit, I decided to write it out. The way I prioritize things *shakes head*…ah hell, I was going nowhere with this stuff. **

**Yes this is parody that is not meant to be taken seriously at all. **

**The story starts off at the beginning of Shippuden and like any badly written fanfiction/parody it pretty much so ignores the canon. **

**I have done my best to comply all the clichés and bad plot devices found the generic "Naruto" fanfic…so please, this is not meant to offend :D **

**So erm….enjoy? **

We all have some skill in life, mine just happens to be everything. Like all things in these stories, nothing can _ever _go wrong for characters like me. No siree, and I'm not talking about tripping over things due to my apparently adorable clumsiness. Nor am I talking about the decision everyone must face; choosing between a multitudes of hot guys that are lined up for no logical reason at all. Things like failing a test (like actually failing, not a 99%), getting grounded, losing friends, and other realistic problems just don't exist in these fanfics. But really, when were these types of stories supposed to be deep anyways?

Oh, well, this is rather rude of me. I haven't even introduced myself yet! You can call me Mari Su Kobayashi, which really means Mary Sue, but hell, if I could get one thing right, it would be to have a somewhat Japanese name. After all, this is a story about ninja.

So back to me because you know, everything must center around me. I am a sixteen year old shinobi. I have "beautiful and glossy black hair" that would give Neji a run for his money, with a ridiculous amount of dark blue streaks. My skin is unrealistically flawless and no matter how much a sweat or the amount of chocolate I eat, it remains blemish free. I also happen to have dark brown eyes, but depending on my mood, they change colour. So when I'm happy, nervous, and anxious at the same time, my eyes are like a fucking rainbow. Weird right? Ha, well nothing makes sense anyways in these stories so whatever right? Furthermore, my eyes also change blood red and purple when I activate my clan's secret dojustu (which I will get to in a moment.)

Do not get me started on my unrealistic body. Apparently, it is possible to have a tiny waist but with boobs as big as Hinata's. Its funny, I always though that if your skinny your flat chested and lack curves and if your curvy well…you have curves. So to sum it up, I have long, toned legs, a flat board stomach, big boobs, a tiny waist, and a perfect butt. To seal the deal, I am forced to have nothing but spandex shorts and mesh tops with combat boots and leather black gloves. If I am not wearing that, then it's some ostentatious black and red kimono because that is _so_ practical for fighting. Do I sound attractive to you? Well, I am really not, even though people tell me otherwise. Also who the hell describes themselves all in one go on the first chapter? Oh right, me.

I live in the wonderful and sunny village of Konoha. It really is the sunniest place if you ignore the massacres, the crazy missing nin, and other shady political stuff that goes on that I-really-shouldn't-know-but-I-do-because-I'm-Mari-Su. Yup, I was the Sandiame's favourite shinobi so naturally he told me all of these things, and I just happened to be there on the night of the Uchiha massacre. Itachi, the guy who wiped out his whole clan, made me promise to protect Sasuke, even though I was eight year old. I mean, who wouldn't trust an eight year old with confidential information? Especially Itachi, the most careful and meticulous of all people.

I live with Naruto Uzumaki, the orange, knuckle headed and hyperactive ninja, so feel free to stalk me now that you know where I live. I have lived with him with ever since my older brother wiped out my entire clan (gee, I wonder who else has this sob story?) I was seven when this happened and I have been traumatized since. To prove it, I spend one hour each day crying about my tragic life. Not to mention, I have been abused by foster parents and lived on the streets before moving in with Naruto. I mean, that is totally not clichéd?

Right?

The Kobayashi clan (the one I hail from), was hailed to be the strongest clan ever, even outshining the Uchiha and Hyuuga. Our dojutsu is by far more superior than even the rinnegan! It can control all the elements, grant incredible speed, dispel genjutsus, absorb chakra, summon wolves, control the weather, has x-ray vision, control bijuu, creates fireballs, grants unlimited stamina, control time, and knock someone out with one look. Yeah, even I am baffled as how overpowered this is. Also, if I could knock someone out with one look, why do I even need the other stuff? How is a dojutsu like this even possible? Ah that's right, nothing is supposed to make sense anyways.

Being the last of my clan, so many people of tried to steal my eyes, but being the talented shinobi I am and having hoards of people to protect me, their goals were fruitless. Since this is "one" of those stories, naturally the following will occur. Yeah, I am considered to be faster than Gai and Lee, outdoing them in their fitness training. More fluid and adept in taijutsu than those guys plus Neji. Far more superior in ninjutsu than the likes of Kakashi and Pain, and I control all the five elements plus other nonexistent elements such as crystal, darkness, and light. My genjutsu is way more powerful than Itachi and Kurenai, even though they have more years of experience. I have more chakra reserves than Naruto and Kisame, plus the monster strength and medical abilities of Tsunade. My weapon usage and accuracy is by far better than TenTen's, plus I have a keener sense of smell than the inuzaka. Hell, I am even better than the sannin and I am a candidate for Rokudaime.

Better yet? I accomplished all of this at ten years old. This really shouldn't be possible because even the most talented shinobi right now had to train their asses off to get to where they are. But since I am Mari Su, I didn't even have to train. I sure feel accomplished…yup, accomplishment.

Even though I am ruthless and blood thirsty ninja, I am actually a sweet and lovable girl who likes singing, cooking, and playing with animals. I sure sound amazing, don't I? Well, I'm not, or maybe I am, but I'm not too sure due to my low self-esteem. I mean so many guys love me, even ones who shouldn't really be chasing after me are still drawn to me for some bizarre reason. Let's list off these guys, shall we?

First we have Naruto Uzumaki who really should have a crush on Sakura but insists he loves me more. He is my roommate and we have lived together for a long-time, hereby cancelling the important aspect of the canon in which, he had a lonely childhood. He is always dragging me off to train or go for Ichiraku ramen. I am not even sure if I like ramen, but never mind that, it's all part of his not so subtle dates. Even though I call him idiot from time to time, he still insists on pursuing me. He could date Hinata, but for some reason he chooses me.

Then we have Sasuke who is not as cheerful as Naruto (actually your resident emo boy) but always follows me around. I think that was his way of trying to ask me out back then I'll admit, he's gorgeous and is one of my best friends, but really, not my type. I am the only one who he can talk about his troubled past with, and often we share revenge plots on our brothers. Even though he could technically talk to anyone about sob stories, he confides with me. I don't know why, really, but after a while, one get's tired of hearing about it. I guess that is how people, who aren't infatuated with me, feel about my presence.

He left Konoha a few years ago, and tried to convince me to come with him, but I declined because really I do not want to a) run off with Sasuke b) run to Orochimaru's shady hideout no matter how legit it seems. I will get revenge the non-crazy way on my own brother, thank you very much. When he still was here, he would not leave alone and still wants to train. And, uncharacteristically, date me. And train. All the time. Argh, no wonder why it is so hard for him to track Itachi down. Furthermore, the Sasuke fanclub naturally hates me, in which I always tell them off with some super sassy comeback that shouldn't be possible for a shy girl like me. Yeah they all hate me… accept for Sakura, and I am proud to say I can include at least one uncliched aspect in this story.

Of course, I see Naruto and Sasuke all the time because we are all on the same team. Don't ask me how this was possible because the only reason I know of is that the canon breaks all laws for me. Typical, no? See, I would have been happy being on any other team and form a normal three man squad, like its supposed be. However, like any other story like mine, its criminal if I'm not placed on team 7.

So I am, and may I say how many times I must witness Naruto and Sasuke arguing all the time, begging for my attention. All the while Kakashi-sensei dubs me as one of his best students ever, and that's where I remind him, we are your only genin squad ever. Ah, Kakashi-sensei—all powerful and respected ANBU who is naturally reduced to being an open pervert in these ORIGINAL fanfics. _I mean that's totally original, right?_

Sometimes I wonder if its too late to move to Iwagakure. Those shinobi seem to have low-tolerance for bullshit anyways.

Alas, we are not done with the list. No we are not. Up next would be Kiba Inzuka. Now, I would like Kiba alright if he would stop being such a flirt—a somewhat misogynist one if I may add. You would think that being raised by his mother, being close with his sister, and treating Hinata well would refute that archetype. But no, around me he is all in my face—kind of like Naruto—only way more blunt in his comments.

Then there is Kankuro, who I was so _fortunate _enough to meet during the exams. Gosh he is such a player, even though there was nothing in the canon to suggest that. He is usually making some smart-ass remark to me or blatant about getting in my pants. Of course, I return his remarks with wittier ones and beat him up. Also, Gaara usually runs to my defence because he is intrigued by me and just loves having me in Sunagakure.

And then there is Daisuke Kanegawa, my best friend for as long as I can remember. He is one who I really love, but I would never tell him…not in a million years because I am scared that I will ruin our friendship.

There are many other boys but they really aren't relevant. It baffles me how so many boys could like one single girl but then again, guys like Sasuke have their own freakin fanclub, so maybe it isn't impossible. However, I am still convinced there are drugs in the Konoha water, placed by Orochimaru. Speaking of Orochimaru did I mention that he is still trying to capture me to take control of my body? Gee, I would never have seen that one coming.

Of course, like any other girl like me, I describe all of this useless shit in the first chapter when really the more correct way would be to spread this info out. However, I sure all this background info is _so unique_ and i_nteresting_ because it's _never_ been used before.

Am I right?


End file.
